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Family plots

Posted: Thu Dec 26, 2013 1:47 am
by dnkoa
Had a Christmas discussion about the subject of funerals, and the subject of plots came up. Here's my question: if you buy a couple of plots for you and your spouse, what is the right thing to do if your spouse dies, and you remarry someone else? Do you honor your original commitment, or what?

Re: Family plots

Posted: Thu Dec 26, 2013 4:03 am
by Marie
I first wanted to see if there was any settled etiquette regarding who gets buried next to whom in the case of second marriages. After researching the question a bit I discovered that even in cases where people consult religious law -- in judaism, for example -- they still find only guidelines, which can be mitigated by a multitude of considerations. One is the attitude of the children, whether they feel strongly about both their parents resting side by side after death or not. Another is the length of each marriage and the comparative commitment and happiness derived from each; sometimes there's no comparison and the choice becomes easy. Some twice married surviving spouses can't make a choice, they were equally happy in both marriages, and they decide to let their earthly remains lie in a different place from either spouse!

Here are the Google search results I got; I just started reading articles to see what people did in your situation --
https://www.google.com/search?num=100&q ... y_oCLQKr2U

-Marie-

Re: Family plots

Posted: Thu Dec 26, 2013 8:50 am
by dejapig
Cremation solves the problem, but I guess some people aren't on board with that. Any number of urns can easily be placed side by side, or ashes can be scattered over the same meaningful site of one's choosing, thus co-mingling the ashes forever. I've asked to be cremated and I don't even care what happens to the ashes. I believe that the soul is the only meaningful component of our earthly husks, and once you're dead, that goes to wherever souls go in your belief system. My husband wants to be cremated and have his ashes scattered near the river in Colorado where he used to fish with his dad. His parents died within about a year of each other, his mom first. She was cremated. Then when his dad died, he was cremated and they buried the co-mingled ashes somewhere scenic near their home in Colorado.

As for plots, I've heard of where they dig an existing plot deeper and bury two caskets in a single plot, like bunk beds, when spouses are trying to stay together in the afterlife but didn't have adjoining plots.

Re: Family plots

Posted: Fri Dec 27, 2013 12:29 pm
by dnkoa
dejapig wrote:Cremation solves the problem, but I guess some people aren't on board with that. Any number of urns can easily be placed side by side, or ashes can be scattered over the same meaningful site of one's choosing, thus co-mingling the ashes forever. I've asked to be cremated and I don't even care what happens to the ashes. I believe that the soul is the only meaningful component of our earthly husks, and once you're dead, that goes to wherever souls go in your belief system. My husband wants to be cremated and have his ashes scattered near the river in Colorado where he used to fish with his dad. His parents died within about a year of each other, his mom first. She was cremated. Then when his dad died, he was cremated and they buried the co-mingled ashes somewhere scenic near their home in Colorado.

As for plots, I've heard of where they dig an existing plot deeper and bury two caskets in a single plot, like bunk beds, when spouses are trying to stay together in the afterlife but didn't have adjoining plots.


Plus cremation saves thousands of dollars for the estate. It's what my grandfather did, but the pastor could barely contain his disapproval at the memorial service, and he kept mentioning how the ashes would be reconstructed into his body upon the second coming of Jesus. It's ridiculous: in the old days it was common practice to dig up graves when they ran out of space or the family failed to pay rent.

I wasn't asking for me, as I haven't yet tied the knot, and I'm also in favor of cremation; but I wonder about my Dad, who's very religious.

Re: Family plots

Posted: Fri Dec 27, 2013 3:34 pm
by Badmojo
Just dig a bigger hole.

Re: Family plots

Posted: Sat Dec 28, 2013 12:56 am
by dejapig
The crypts in New Orleans are like ovens, and in the heat the bodies desiccate very quickly. In a family plot, when someone dies they shove the old bones to the back to make way for the new body. That's how many generations of a family are entombed in the same plot.

Re: Family plots

Posted: Sun Dec 29, 2013 2:55 pm
by IrishEyes
Most people choose to be buried next to their first spouse, the one they raised their family with. But there is no absolute rule on this, it comes down to personal preference. Check with cemeteries on their rules, such as how many cremations can be put in a grave, if they allow two burials per grave, etc. Choose a cemetery that meets your needs, because moving a grave can be quite expensive.